Ideas for an Enduring and Healthy Marriage

Ideas for an Enduring and Healthy Marriage

"If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don't expose it to the elements. You don't make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as times goes by. Eternal marriage is just like that. We need to treat it just that way."-Elder F. Burton Howard

Building an enduring and healthy marriage is no easy task. Although your efforts are worth the benefits that come, the benefits are not always clearly seen immediately. My husband and I started dating about five years ago and were married in June of 2014. Just like all marriages, we have passed through good times and difficult times together. There are some important processes that we have used in our marriage to make it strong. I did not make these up myself, but I have tried them and they do work. I want to share a few of them with you today.

Go on adventures with your spouse. Be goofy. Have fun. Make memories.

Friendship

Friendship will get you through the hard times that will inevitably come. We tend to treat our friends very well, and sometimes our family not so well. Does that concept seem a little backwards to anyone else? Let's see if some of these ideas can help you make the change to treating your spouse like your best friend. 

Nurture Love and Friendship in your Marriage

What do you do now on a regularly basis to nurture the friendship and love in your marriage? How much time a day are you devoting to nurturing your marriage?

Idea #1: Create a love map

A love map is a place, whether it be in your head or in a physical book, where you can keep record of things that are important to your spouse. Ideas for this would be things such as their dreams, likes, dislikes, frustrations, worries fears, favorite foods, or even their favorite dinner or candy bar. You can use this love map as a tool to love them better. By focusing on what is important and special to them, you will find it easier to show them love in the way that really speaks to them.

Use your love map to cook your spouses favorite dinner, or take them out to their favorite place to eat.

Idea #2: Connect with your spouse by talking as friends

It is easy to get caught up in the busyness of running a household, raising children, paying the bills, work responsibilities, and the list goes on. Reflect back to when you and your spouse were just dating. You and your new love would talk on the phone for hours, even sacrificing sleep to stay connected. Make an effort to recapture that feeling in your relationship today by sitting down and talking to your spouse as a friend. Show genuine interest in what they are saying, avoid giving them advice they do not ask for, avoid interrupting, validate their emotions, take their side on things, seek to understand them. These are all things that come easy early on in a relationship and somehow become more difficult as time goes on and stress levels increase. Make the effort today to be your spouses best friend.

Recapture those feelings that were so special and precious in the beginning.

Photo credit: Nichole Gaertner Photography

Idea #3: Respond to bids for connection

Sometimes it is difficult to always be emotionally available for your spouse because of children or other important responsibilities in life. However, make it a priority to respond when your spouse is reaching out for connection. Bids for connection could be a question, a look, a gesture, a touch, or anything that is them trying to say "I want to feel connected to you". This is especially important during stressful times. The times when you may not want to make the effort to be connected, especially following a fight or disagreement, is really the most important time to be responsive to bids for connection that your spouse sends. Put your pride away and respond to them with the love and attention they are asking for. 

Conclusion

I hope that these ideas help strengthen your marriage and family as they have mine. You may not get the results you want immediately, but do not give up. Keep trying new things to find what works to nurture the love and friendship in your marriage. Also, comment with any ideas you are already using that help strengthen your marriage so I can try them too. 

(Research findings and other good information taken from the book, Successful Marriages and Families, 2016)