The Importance of Fathers and Mothers

Fathers

While there is no way to guarantee the success of a child, the presence of a father greatly contributes to it. There have been many studies done on this topic that have found the effects of an absent father to be quite negative. The two most common contributors to fathers being absent from a child's life stem from having children outside of marriage and getting a divorce. When we look at the children who do not have a father present in their life and compare them to those that do have a father in their lives, generally speaking the children without a father present score lower academically, are more likely to drop out of school and display behavioral problems. As they age, these are more likely to use illegal substances, become sexually active at a younger age and to experience psychological problems as adults. These kids will also grow to be adults that are more likely to struggle to establish healthy and long-lasting relationships with other adults.

What Does it Mean to be Present?

To be present means to be cognitively and emotionally available to your child. Fathers need to notice when their child is bidding for their attention and to make an effort to put down their cell phones and to look away from the t.v. so they can show their children that they are present and available when they need them. Children are smarter than we give them credit for and notice when we are not willing to give them the attention they are craving. Some fathers are not home as often as they would like to be. This can be hard for a family, but it still has potential to be a healthy situation for the child if when the father is home he is really present with his children. As long as children know that their father is available and able to respond to their needs in a timely manner, they will be more likely to develop a healthy attachment in the relationship which will lead to healthier relationships in their future. 

Mothers

Just like with fathers, mothers play an important role in establishing a healthy pattern for their children's future relationships. When a child cries or makes an attempted request for a need that they have, and the mother is unresponsive just one time, the effect is not likely to be long-lasting. Imagine a small child with a mother who is frequently unavailable because of a preoccupation with other things such as drugs, alcohol or surfing the Internet. When this happens time and time again, day after day, the child will develop some coping mechanisms. The child will eventually learn that their primary caregiver is not a reliable source of nurturing or caring. The child will become distant, anxious, or maybe even angry. This is what social scientists call an insecure attachment pattern. Mothers have the main source of influence on the attachment style that their child develops and maintains throughout their lifetime. The way that a mother interacts with her child is the strongest consistent predictor of a child's social, emotional and developmental behavior. It is impossible to over-emphasize the importance a mother or a father in the life of a child. 

Individual Circumstances

It is important to realize that we are all unique with individual circumstances that may require different ways of doing things in our families. Many mothers work outside of the home, many fathers must work long hours. There are increasing numbers of single-parent homes. Sometimes grandparents are the ones raising the children. Whatever your circumstances are, the most important thing is that you are striving to give your child the physical and emotional tools that they need to feel secure. When a child feels a sense of security in their home and family life, it is from this place that they feel safe to explore their world.