Family Fun

Family Recreation

Now this is one of my favorite posts because our family does a lot of recreation, especially in the summer. In the winter time we slow way down, and kind of go into hibernation mode. Winter time is the end of football season which is a very busy season in our home, and then the basketball season comes. We stay pretty busy during the school year just getting to all the kids' sports events, but in the summer time we enjoy relaxation and recreational activities. The activities we enjoy most include lounging around in the air conditioned house (it gets up past 100 degrees here most summers), camping, swimming, boating, playing frisbee, barbecuing, going on walks, picking huckleberries, baking goodies, running in the sprinklers (the little ones, not me) among many other activities. I am so thankful my husband is a teacher and I am a stay at home mom because we really get to enjoy our summers by spending tons of time together as a family. I think all families should get to enjoy the summer together free from work and school. As a blended family, this has been an especially important blessing for us. Summer gives us a chance to de-stress and just live in the moment, instead of always rushing to the next obligation/responsibility. While most families are not as lucky as we are to have summers off, there is always time to fit a little recreation in with the family every now and then. 

On this camping trip, we hiked to this waterfall area to play in the water. Missing one family member on this trip, but still had tons of fun and had to capture a family picture.

Our favorite place to go boating/swimming/cliff jumping in the summer. That cliff to the left, that is where they jump. We have made so many beautiful memories at Billy Clapp Lake. 

Recreation is not always done outside of the home. There are many leisure activities you can do with your family at home that will add to the strength of the family unit just as well. Some ideas are reading books together, playing a board game or cards, singing, or you can turn up the music and have a dance party. We really enjoy baking in our home, and we've been known to play a game of Yahtzee now and then. Although, it's been far too long since we have.

Anthony and Gaven playing cards on the beach on one of our family vacations. 

 Studies have found that families who regularly engage in common everyday, low-cost, home-based activities have higher levels of family cohesiveness than families who do not. Family vacations have been found to increase communication and bonding within the family. Although, one thing to consider with vacations is that all family members need to pitch in and help with the responsibilities so that each family member is able to enjoy the vacation. This is especially important for the mothers. Mothers tend to carry a heavier load during family vacations, especially if there are small children. Before you head out on a vacation, have a conversation as a family about the expectations so that it can be an enjoyable experience for all, and not just for the kids. 

Celebrating birthdays is an important family tradition that we practice.
We keep it simple, but I make sure to always bake a homemade cake for each family member on their birthday. 

Another side of this recreation thing is rituals and celebrations within a family. Families who practice rituals and celebrations together are simultaneously increasing unity and kindness while decreasing contention. One well-known ritual that I am an advocate for is family meals. Our family has always made it a priority to eat dinner together whenever possible. This has been another huge blessing for our family, as it has been for many other families.

Family dinner is even better when our kids have friends over. We just squeeze around our table and make more memories.

Studies have shown that family meals provide many benefits for families and their individuals. Some of the benefits include increased family communication, healthier diets, better grades at school, and improved mental health, especially for adolescents. There are more benefits than I have listed here, which is why it is so surprising to me that only about one third of families make this a daily priority. If you could only do one thing to strengthen your children, family dinner together would be my first suggestion. It does take effort and advanced planning, but it is worth every effort. 

Family Work

Mothers Set the Household Tone for Family Work 

"We have built homes as if they were backgrounds to set off our imaginatively selected furniture and fabrics, our artistic arrangements and color combinations...Somehow we forgot to build a home for a zestful, boisterous, untidy existence; full of the opportunity and invitation to real talk and quarreling and anguish and absorbing spontaneous activities...Does my kitchen invite a rush of noisy feet to find out what is cooking, to batter me with excited accounts of the day's happenings or even with offers of help? Or have I planned it so successfully, with such step-saving, muscle-bound efficiency, that it freezes out my husband and my children?" ~Dorothy Lee

 

My daughter, Aubrey and I in the kitchen cooking together.

As a mother, I understand that I set the tone for family work in my home. I have noticed that when I am cranky at dinner time, so is everyone else. I have also noticed that when I help clear the table after dinner with a willing and cheerful heart, so does everyone else (well, maybe not everyone, all the time, but generally speaking). It is not always easy to keep a positive attitude while tending to my household, but it sure makes it a more enjoyable experience for me and for everyone else. I don't know about all you other mothers and fathers out there, but I sometimes forget that my children are still learning, and I cannot expect my children to do the household chores in just the way that I do them. I try to remember this and to be thankful for any effort they are willing to add because it is not just about the chores getting done. Family work is important for building and strengthening relationships with one another. While I know this, I still struggle with it at times.

While I set the tone for family work, each family member is vitally important in keeping everything running smoothly within our home. When one family member acts as if their efforts are not needed, it throws everything off balance. Children must know that we need and expect their help in the family home. This might sound mean to some parents, but it is actually good for children to feel they are needed, even if it is to help with something they would rather not help with.

My four year-old son spontaneously unloading the dishwasher. He knows his help is needed.

Are You Running a Business or Raising Children?

Technological advances have made this task more difficult. In this day and age there are countless distractions for parents and children, so many that working together often gets neglected. Mothers often feel it is just easier to do things themselves instead of putting in the effort it takes to get a child to help with a task. I have been known to do this even though I know it is a disservice to myself and my children. Something that has really had an impact on me was a short excerpt I read from a study regarding the value of community and autonomy (personal freedom):

 A Navajo woman recalls learning to cook by watching her grandmother: "She cut me a little dough and tell me to make it like this and I try my best to make it. And there was a hot coal under it, and when it bubbled up I turned it over and I just do that and that is how I learned how to cook.

This alone is not as powerful as the comment that came after this story. "With no sense of hurry, the work was allowed to proceed at the pace of the child." Reading this really caused me to reflect on how patient (or impatient) I am with my own children, especially when I have recruited them to help me in the kitchen or somewhere else in the home. Since I read this a couple weeks ago I have made more of an effort to go at the pace of my children. It seems as if many of us have turned to thinking of our homes as a business. There must be no wasting of time or anything for that matter. We believe we must do everything quickly and efficiently. The problem with this is that my home is NOT a business like the world looks at business. If I must call it any kind of business, I would say that I am in the business of raising my children to be happy, loved, self-sufficient, God-fearing individuals. When I worry myself with always being in a hurry or making sure tasks are done just right, it becomes counter-productive to my eternal goal.

A Navajo family shown here is not concerned with getting things done in a hurry. They are focused on living in the moment with one another and doing what is necessary, but not in a hurry. 

Fathers Set the Example for Participation in Household Chores

Mothers are not the only ones that have an important role to play in household work. Fathers set the example for participation in household chores. I love this story that displays the important role of a husband and father told by a neighbor to the Prophet Joseph Smith, named Jesse Crosby.

Some of the home habits of the Prophet--such as building kitchen fires, carrying out ashes, carrying in wood and water, assisting in the care of the children, etc.-- were not in accord with my idea of a great man's self-respect. [An occasion when] the Prophet [returned a] sack of flour gave me the opportunity to give him some corrective advice which I had desired to do for a long time. I reminded him of every phase of his greatness and called to his mind the multitude of tasks he performed that were too menial for such as he....The Prophet listened quietly to all I had to say, then made his answer in these words: "If there be humiliation in a man's house, who but the head of that house should or could bear that humiliation?"...Thinking to give the Prophet some light on home management, I said to him, "Brother Joseph, my wife does much more hard work than does your wife." Brother Joseph replied by telling me that if a man cannot learn in this life to appreciate a wife and do his duty by her, in properly taking care of her, he need not expect to be given one in the hereafter. His words shut my mouth as tight as a clam. I took them as terrible reproof. After that I tried to do better by the good wife I had and tried to lighten her labors.

I love the general message of the Prophet's response here because it speaks to the fact that yes, he was a Prophet of God, but still, nothing takes away his responsibility to care for and serve his wife and children in and out of the home.

David makes breakfast for our family every morning, whether we are at home or in the wilderness.
The kids see this example he is setting and want to be a part of it.

Family Work Can be a Joyful Blessing

I so appreciate the ways my husband helps with household chores, not just for the sake that I do not have to do them myself. I appreciate his efforts because he is setting an example for our children to see that we are a team and we must work together. When we work together as a family, it becomes less a burden and more of a blessing. Family work poses special opportunities for us to interact and have shared experiences. Don't forget that these opportunities to work together now will someday be faraway and cherished memories.

My family putting in a garden a few years ago at our old house. 

I grew up living next door to my grandparents on ten acres. There were many more opportunities for work than I ever accepted, but I do have fond memories of working in our apple orchard and picking strawberries with my siblings. I also remember fondly, my grandfather putting in many, many hours of hard work on our farm for the benefit of our family. I appreciate more fully as an adult the work that he did on the land. My husband reminds me of my grandfather, and I am eternally grateful for both of these good men in my life.

If you want to read more on this topic, I really love this article. The authors, Kathleen Slaugh Bahr and Cheri A. Loveless give more of an in-depth look at the blessings that family work can bring. Also included is a more thorough background of family work that goes on to discuss how family work has changed in our modern world, and why it continues to be so vital for building and strengthening our family relationships.

What Family Work Did you Experience and Benefit From

Can you remember the work your family did together when you were growing up? How meaningful was it to you then compared to the meaning it has to you today? Please share your own family work experiences in the comments section.

Marriage: Why? and How?

What in the World is the Purpose of Marriage?

Unfortunately, it is now a common belief for many that marriage has become an obsolete institution. It is true that with science and technological advances, the institution of marriage is technically no longer necessary for survival of the individual or even for the ability to have children. In The Family: A Proclamation to the World we learn that "marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God." Some of you may be asking why in the world would the all-knowing, creator of the universe want us to join together in a union that would have the potential to be so difficult and sometimes even painful? Is it possible that those who no longer believe in marriage are looking at it in the wrong light?

Some look at marriage as something that needs to be continually serving them personally. These individuals believe the marital relationship needs to be continuously fulfilling, or they will quickly lose interest and find a way to exit the relationship. A question I have for these folks is, what would happen if your spouse suddenly became disabled or seriously ill? Would you, in that circumstance, just give up because the relationship is no longer serving you? I think we have forgotten that marriage is a lifetime commitment that is meant to stand through the tests of time. While I do understand and agree that marriage can stretch us to our limits, I also know it to be the best way to learn and develop important characteristics such as patience, forgiveness, long-suffering, acceptance of differences, and service. This has been my own personal experience. I trust that the reason God wants us to marry is that it is only through marriage that we are able to learn the important things He needs us to learn here on this earthly journey. I believe that a marriage between a man and a woman which is built on righteous principles is the ultimate path to happiness in this life and in the life to come. 

Social Scientists have found that there are many physical, mental and social health benefits associated with being married. Married adults tend to be much healthier and live longer than unmarried individuals. Married adults recover from illness and injury quicker than non-married individuals. Married folks also struggle less with depression and other mental illnesses. There was a recent study involving 30 European countries that found that there is even a happiness gap between cohabiting couples and married couples. Married people report higher levels of happiness, and higher levels of satisfaction with their sex lives than the unmarried. 

How Can I Experience More Happiness in my Marriage?

Two really important skills I have discovered to a higher degree and worked to develop in my marriage are forgiveness and seeking forgiveness. I will openly admit that I am flawed and imperfect. I sometimes do and say things within my marriage out of frustration, exhaustion or anger that I end up regretting. My husband has been a great example of seeking to understand what I am going through when I have done or said hurtful things to him. It blows my mind that even when I am the one being rude to him, he is the one that is wondering if I am okay and wanting to help me in any way that he can. This has really humbled me and led me to be more cautious of speaking and acting out when I am tired or overwhelmed. Looking back to when we were first married, I was so filled with pride and the need to be right. Gradually, his example has worked to soften my heart, and I have gotten better at seeking to understand his side of things too. As he continually forgives me of my trespasses against him, he has taught me what a beautiful thing forgiveness within a marriage can be. Apology and forgiveness have strengthened our marital bond in many ways. Neither one of us is perfect, so forgiveness is a very real and regular part of our marriage. 

Sometimes marriage is really hard and exhausting, but in the end we still got each other, which makes everything we go through totally worth it. Knowing you will always have someone on your team is pretty much priceless.
David and I after a long and beautiful day of hiking back in 2015.

What Steps Do I Need to Take in Apologizing?

The steps of apology and change are outlined in the book, On Apology by the Psychiatrist and author, Aaron Lazare. Lazare states that a successful apology includes several important parts including:

1. Acknowledgement of the offense.
2. An appropriate expression of regret, remorse, or sorrow.
3. A suitable offer of repayment or restitution.
4. A pledge for behavior reform to ensure the offense is not repeated.

Lazare explains that if any of the four elements are either missing or inadequate, the apology will fail. Each of these steps is important for reconciling and moving on from any damage done in a relationship. 

What is Forgiveness?

I really love this quote and definition of forgiveness given by Dr. Sidney Simon:

 "freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. It is rediscovering the strengths we always had and relocating our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves."

In Conclusion

Refusing to apologize to and/or forgive others prevents us from being truly happy, especially within a marriage. It is important that we learn to harness our energy into practices that will bring goodness into our lives. Going through these steps of apologizing and forgiving can really help bring a married couple closer together. I have only been married for about four years now. In those four years, I have come to understand a little bit about why a good God would want his children to enjoy a marital relationship. I have experienced a level of peace and joy I never experienced before in any relationship or situation. I know that as you learn to put these steps to use in your marriage, you will notice with time that your love and trust in one another will grow even stronger.